5/11/98
Damn you for stirring me so
I hate the fact that you make
me feel
drag me from my solitary island prison
You show me all the colors this
world offers
then make my cold existence even
colder for its loss
I cannot survive in the sunshine
but no longer may I be content
in the dark
without seeming to notice, you
turn my world upside-down
changing this wolf into a tamer dog
who waits patiently to hear your
tread approaching
you make me yearn for something more
yet I am unsure if I deserve it
you softly croon in my ear that I do
and your eyes dance
and you laugh
drawing me ever nearer
Yet I know I cannot approach
for I am not allowed
For all that I seek your presence
My companionship is not
what you desire
I crave your aura like the
sunflower craves the sun
You make me whole
something I've never known
God help me
You make me whole
Silence does not truly suit
For there is so much in this world
to be discussed
Do you like this?
Do you understand that?
Can you see my point of view?
Only misunderstanding and ridicule
will halt my barrage of questions
And I will study the opponent then
with ever greater vigor
to find the chinks in the armor that
will allow the quick dart of a sharp
blade to flash through
for I have little respect or time
for restrictions or barriers imposed
by others
either by their narrow-mindedness
or mere inflexibility
we all need to question
the established patterns
what good is tradition
for the sake of repetition?
Yes, they may have always done it that way,
but what for?
Do you even know?
Most likely not.
Unconventional thought could be genius
limits should not be imposed
when they simply halt the progression
of the creative soul
So much more can be done
endless possibilities exist
waiting to be explored
do not fear the unknown
embrace it
live it
consume it
make it new
frightening
inspiring
enjoy the chaos that freedom brings
5/11/98
Inspired madness
nonsensical yet with purpose
patterns are larger than the mind can grasp
But beauty in all its stark and
all encompassing verve
stares out at you with
wide-open eyes
grand, grand concept
of disorder
it all makes sense in a
random sort of way
there is not great scheme
it simply is
an edge is thinly disguised
within that realization
divine order is a myth
creation is simply chaos
there is no wizard behind the curtain
no bearded man to explain
the cosmos in words we can understand
the garden has flowers and weeds
sown equally through it without care
the profound labor alongside the
transparent
brilliant cab drivers
and idiots in boardrooms
labels slapped on us all
no matter
it doesn not make a difference
it just is
good or evil have no meaning
this is all we have
we either make the best of it
or waste our opportunities
and depart like unrealized visions
stillborn before they can appear on canvas
comprehension does not bring clarity
even as it does place a knowing smile
playing about the lips
there is no story here
it just is
5/14/98
limitations expressed for the masses
never had a right to touch me
vagaries of some mouldering soul's
self-righteous edicts do not concern me
I do not compromise
nor do I cater to the ridiculous
whims of those in power
I accept the consequences of my actions
and pay the prices necessary
5/21/98
god I am sorry
so sorry for not being worthy
I wear my flaws like some threadbare suit
with only my lies for decoration
like some garish clown nose
on the headsman
funny, though, isn't it?
only as long as you don't
live it
honest thief
kid in a candy store with a conscience
knowing I could pluck the ripe fruit
from the tree and take a bite
but refusing to
Maybe I am just afraid to take
what is mine
Or I am scared that it was
never mine to begin with
Everyone makes mistakes, we're all
broken in some way
but I feel more so
just shards of glass that
used to be something
and now is unrecognizable
even to myself
7/1/98
labyrinthine conundrum
this maze called life
dangers and pitfalls at every bend
usually I am too quick
but this time I fell into the
pit with the sharpened stakes
at the bottom
I learned, but what a bitter lesson
I gently probe the holes
and wince at their depth
but I am still alive
you know, dammit
I am older now
I have skills that surpass yours
in this silly little game
but I am disgusted by it
and refuse to play
I don't even want to show you
how wrong you are
I'd rather that you wallowed
in ignorance
smugly thinking that you've beaten me
when in fact you cannot attain
the plane which I am on, let
alone conquer me when you arrive
yet I cannot deny that at some
level your attack wounded me
but more that I actually cared
It's impossible to breach the walls
but when the gate is open
it's easy to fire a volley
straight in
It's not so much that I was betrayed,
either, unless it'd be by myself
I allowed you more privilege than I
should have
And all because of a fair face
Now I pay the price
but the price is small, and you will never
get that chance again
Savor your victory
if we should again clash, you'll not get another
For I will unsheath the sword
of merciless vengeance that I wield
and slice you in two
Beware my wrath
Fear my approach
For I am your doom
made flesh
8/30/98
the future beckons
yet I cannot see her face
as to whether her smile is inviting
or mocking
I will approach, as there is no
standing still
life goes on and I must participate
yet I can't help but fear the unknown
heaven or hell awaits
I have yet to find out which
8/30/98
it's worse than it could have been
and yet not as bad as it was
it's all changed now
melting like soft wax in the hot sun
the faces hide the truth
behind their plastic lies
yet their fear shows through
even as droplets of sweat
bead upon their brow
this is the critical time
when flashes of inspiration
shut out the darkness
if only for an instant
but in that glorious moment
illumination at a deeper level
is achieved
things crystallize, align in
a pattern indiscernible a moment
before